Sunday, March 1, 2015

I've Got Divorced - I've started My Journy To Freedom.

On the day I decided to get a divorce, I decided very clear - to be released and be free period.

My decision to be free not only on the physical level of separation of houses and at my I.D. card writing 'divorced' but actually free. Check every corner in my soul which 'scratches' engraved in me during marriage, the places where I do things because that this is my will or my personal need, and what I'm doing because I'm still under the influence of marriage and want to do things the way my ex wanted, but ... oops ... she no longer lives at home with me . It's just me live at home with me .A little curiosity about release started at the small things and coming to the big things -
Introduction - when we were married laundry and shopping were her responsibility.

A few days after I left home, I went to the supermarket to do the weekly shopping and I had to buy softener . I found myself standing in front of the softener shelf there were to many companies and different prices .

This will sound funny but I did not know what softener we use and how much it costs.
And how does that relate to the release -

First, it was very important to my ex the type of the softener, and if I bought casual softener and I would not buy the kind she wants it could result in a fight (yes we fought about silly things like the type of softner).

Secondly I did not know what the price of fabric softener.
And here joined them two things together - on the one hand I was still under the feeling of marriage and I have to buy the softener it means we have to buy in order not to argue (although I do not live in the house!), And I also do not know what is the real price of this thing.

What did I do out of habit? I called her. I called and asked what softener we use and how much it should cost in 4 liter or 2 liters.
The answer I got was simple - "You made the decision to divorce, will you manage alone" (answer I've heard a lot over time) and so I found myself standing in front of a shelf of softeners, lost myself , even so everything is complicated and sad and breaks down, then the softener I had to choose my own? But here begins the release, choose the softener with a smell that I love, and to survey prices and decide what is right and what is the price of laundry smell I would like to have our clothes.
The next step of course was to deal with the separation of laundry before washing, and here I had a vague idea that she was doing a lot of mules, and I was afraid not to decompose as it separates, and make mistakes and argue.

But hey! I'm no longer at home, so I can do what I want with the laundry.

Sounds a bit surreal story of 38 -year-old men with two small children right? Do not know how to separate laundry colors and which softener to buy.

But where it began, there began my quest for liberation, my responsibility for what is important to me, the things I like, I 'll do them as I understand without thinking what she was thinking, or think or tell me when will the laundry in the living room on the couch.
Each and every one of us has the 'scratches' of marriage went with them, we gave up to the end of such things and others sake of peace, and after the divorce has to regain myself.
Independence and freedom begin in the small and continue to independence of thought, emotionally, mentally and financially.

I can't complain about things she does at home with the kids, or the hours babysitter that she brings, or why she did something a certain way and not the way I think needs to be done.
This release understand that when I got divorced I released my need to do things her way, or she will do things my way. Everyone has their own way, each paving his life a new.
You can try and stay in control of him or her after the divorce, but all of these factors in endless fights and arguments about the simple little things to big things.
Independence starts with deciding to take from the word divorce the word – emotion Get excited about new life expected of me and leave the pain behind marriage.
Moved by it that I decided on my life at any given time without having to account for why I decided one way or another.

Feel all that floats up to me this sad process rather than throw them on the divorced or the children.

About laundry softener ... .I buy only what executive and it's smell wonderful.

1 comment:

  1. You have taken the right steps to obtain the freedom that you need. People move at different paces and that's okay. Your composure also appears to be very calm, a little sad amongst the feeling of being slightly lost, but that is a very good characteristic to have during such a stressful time. Hang in there.

    Gilbert @ McCormick Divorce & Family Law